becoming healthier

i want to be losing weight. and i'm not.
i am also barely exercising and eating right most of the time.

so i am not surprised by the lack of progress but i am disheartened by my inability to muster up the motivation and follow-through to create the changes i wish to see.

and i am tired of people telling me that its just a switch that you trip. i thought that i would get to the point where i hated myself enough that i would do something about it but instead i found a really lovely person to be in my life and remind me why i don't hate myself—because i have really never hated myself.

and i will confess that i wouldn't mind being back in the days when they just prescribed you speed dressed up like a fancy diet pill.

sadly, they wised up and so i am faced to handle this dilemma alone.
i am working on some goals that are reasonable. i'll report back.