materialism at its worst

i hate money. i hate feeling green-eyed. i hate feeling left out.

i want something new and shiny and expensive. of course i do. i want to be able to blithely spend somewhere between two hundred and a thousand dollars on something besides my house. or my car. or debt. or bills. or traffic tickets.

its so depressing to not have anything exciting ahead of you. when parts for your dishwasher and renting a rototiller are your top priorities. when your budget can barely accommodate car insurance. when a positive change in your finances is so entirely inconceivable that when looking forward the view is bleak.

i'm restless. adventure is so far away. i'm so far behind.